My four years in pro wrestling took a big toll on my body, but the damage done as the vocalist of the Hated Uncles before wrestling, cannot be underestimated! “My Head Is My Only Home” Post # 002: September 3, 2021.
Injury #1: Grapes ‘n Things (1986-1987)
Grapes is a long, narrow bar, with a few tables at the back, but most people stand behind wooden partitions beside the small dancefloor. This was the first (but not last) show I partook in “friendlies” before playing. I don’t think I smoked enough to penetrate the 6-8 beers I had before we went on stage – where I continued drinking…but, maybe it did affect me.
The show seemed to be going well – but, what do I know? I’m drunk, possibly high…but I’m into it, dropping to my knees, rolling around – the usual ritual. Near the end of the show, I’m on the small dance floor (by myself), twirling and spinning, a whirling dervish losing control of the body as it speeds up, nearing the ground, tilting sideways, feet leaving the ground as head approaches…
* thunk! *
…the wooden partition. The brain danced like Jell-O after ingesting Bill Cosby drugs.
I kept a firm grip on the microphone as I waited for my brain to start functioning, and hopefully, remember why I’m lying on the ground. Slowly, music seeps into my inner being, I pull myself to my feet, shake my head and act as if it’s all part of the show…just another part of the show.
Injury #2: Chuggies (Corktown) (1989)
This injury occurred during the duo phase of JK and yours truly. I drank a LOT (too much) at these shows. This show was not the drunkest – that would be a show in Toronto, on a Monday night involving free beer, with neither of us remembering any songs…drunken-garde improvisation.
I’m not sure what song we were playing, but I had one foot on the top of one chair, and the other foot on another chair. I started losing balance…failing the improvisatory sobriety test, and found myself lying on a concrete dance floor with someone on stage asking me: “Are you OK, Harv?” It took a moment to recall where I was, and the show staggered on with the fog in my brain remaining for a few days.
There’s a vague, distorted (possibly inaccurate) memory of being at a house party that night (Dik Van Dykes? Sinister Dude Ranch?) & watching a video of that night’s show. Beyond that, it’s all a blur.
Injury #3: Zak’s (Main & Hess S.) (1991)
There were many mornings after Hated Uncles shows when my knees would be bruised and aching. The worst was a record release party for the still-unreleased “Kill Morrissey” record at Zak’s.
There was a decent crowd (by our standards), and the bar was nice, the sound was good, and everyone was in an upbeat mood…and I wasn’t too drunk. During the set, the band jammed on a funk beat, while I shouted “James Brown” (the title of the song), “Take me to the bridge!” & other clichés that unrhythmic white dudes (like me) shouldn’t use. That was the point – I’m (somewhat) self-aware. During the song, I dropped to my knees with reckless abandon in the spirit of James Brown (a favourite), and adrenalin was running rampant. I jumped as high as I could to add more velocity to the landing. When I landed, the pain immediately shot through my entire body. There was no fucking give! The stage wasn’t made of wood with some give – it was solid concrete. In a prayerful pose, I was immobile, unable to stand. My knees were fucked. I (painfully) shouted another cliche through clenched teeth & slowly made my way to an upright position. The bruises on both knees the next morning were very impressive indeed!
Bonus Injury: PRM @ Wentworth House (1986)
The first injury at a Hated Uncles show was to someone in the crowd. PRM (our painter), made the mistake of sitting in the front row when we played at Wentworth House. I’m not sure of all the details, or extent of PRM’s injuries, except that it involved me somersaulting on top of him. His night wasn’t over, as I came close to taking his head off with a beautiful skull I threw after making out with it (a la Bowie) during the “Name on a Gravestone” finale. Ironically, PRM was the one who made the skull!
It was safer for him to be on stage with us painting than in the crowd. Sorry PRM!
The Hated Uncles got back together from 1995-1999 and I continued
dropping down / rolling on the ground
communing with the sound,
but after 4 years in pro wrestling, I had learned how to control my recklessness…somewhat.