3 in the morning…
everything’s
too much…
my chest is trying to
free itself from
my mortal body…
It hurts.
Am I having
a heart attack?
Is this the end?
Sweet freedom?
No more pain!
…but it hurts.
The lightness in
my chest
intensifies,
lightning striking
the synapses
and the hammer
in my brain won’t stop
pounding…
Please let this be the end…
I’ve had enough…no more…
I toss and turn
in discontent…
looking for escape,
looking for relief.
I don’t want this…
this sucks…
this isn’t a battle
of good & evil,
this is a battle
for survival…
tossing & turning, sweating,
the lightness escapes
& only heaviness
and distorted images
remain…
I pull myself from bed
to face another day…
wary, scared, tired.
The phone rings:
“How are you?”
They don’t want to know /
they never want to know…
they only want to hear:
“Everything’s great!”
That’s the expected
and only acceptable response…
I’m in a play with
no improvisation…
the words have been dictated…
My body and my brain
weigh me down…
I’m trapped in
inescapable depression…
My thoughts,
my emotions,
my desires…
overwhelm me…
I can’t handle this…
“Oh, everything’s great!”
February 3rd, 2026