1991 – Unload With The Uncles (bootleg) – Corktown – Hamilton, ON
Harvey Dog (vocals), Paul Settle (trumpet), John Battaglia (guitar), John Kinsella (bass), Dave Turcotte (drums)
Lyrics
I went into a cheesy, down-and-out cafe
the other day and ordered a coffee,
I sat down by a fat cardboard cut-out man
who said, “excuse me,” as he reached over
for the salt, and knocked his coffee right
into my lap, and the burning, steaming liquid
ruined another day and I asked: why, why, why?
I got onto the bus to go to work,
a simple thing to do, or so you would think,
anyway, I paid my fare and sat at the back,
and as we approached my stop, I rang the bell,
and as I got up, I sensed something sticky on my butt,
and I’m like: “Oh my God! Gum on my ass!”
Why do these things always happen on the way to work
and never on the way home? Why, why, why?
I went into a bar and ordered a quiet drink,
a nice quiet drink to soothe the nerves,
then this biker fell into me, and he pulled
me out of my seat and spat into my face,
“Who the fuck do you think you are?”
I sighed, and he took this as a rebuttal,
so he pulled me into the parking lot
and beat the shit out of me: why, why, why?
This great-looking chick walked up to me
and asked for a light for her butt,
cigarette butt, that is, so I pulled
out my lighter and lit her fag,
she sidled up to me, put her arm around me,
and as I was thinking, “Yeah, this is alright,”
then wouldn’t you know it,
I let out the loudest and stinkiest fart possible
and she ran away to another guy,
and I stood there wondering: why, why, why?