Human Rat (1982)

Human Rat - drawing by Harvey Dog 2020 for the 1982 poem "Human Rat".

Nothing to do, nowhere to go, unemployed,
guess I’ll go downtown answer this ad:
“Humans needed for government experiments. Pays well.”
…strange they didn’t mention the trip to hell.

They pump me with drugs and stuff
and tell me I’m a credit to the nation,
“Our scientists need someone to test this out,
open your mouth, stick out your arm,
run through the maze, we’ll watch from above,
observe your reaction to self-injected radiation.”

“Step into this room, there’s a paper on the table,
we’ll watch through the window – just act natural.”

I might as well sit down and watch the rubber walls,
look at me I’m swimming up Niagara Falls!
Hey – those scientists are laughing at me,
they can’t get away with that – I’m not a clown,
I got to get out of here – it’s so hot,
what’s happening? – let me out – I’ll kill you all!
God save me!

“Sir, we want to thank you for your cooperation,
unfortunately, there are some permanent side effects
which makes it necessary to institutionalize you.
To show you how pleased we are with your cooperation
the Prime Minister wants to award you this medal of honour.


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